i will take one of each.

Eating paleo is like having baby. (I am not referring to the miraculous act of child birth…hang in there with me, SuperMom’s, I’m on the slow train to my point, as usual.)

Think about it. It’s like YOU ARE the baby. You cry when you have gone too long without eating. When a relative feeds you the wrong food, you get a belly ache. You require 9 hours of sleep or you are cranky (Chris and Josh..stop rolling your eyes!). Adults stop talking when you walk into the room, and shoot you an odd look and a smile. If you don’t get to run around (at the box), you get antsy and annoy people.

Here is what seals the deal: you carry around your own food. When was the last time you had to carry a lunch cooler around everywhere, filled with suitable food? I know several mom’s with young kiddos who have very nicely stocked mini-vans, but once kids are out of the lil’ guy stage… how many adults HAVE to carry food around? Sure, maybe a smashed pack of  emergency peanut butter crackers is buried deep in the glove box, but in a pinch, the over-5 y.o. crowd makes a drive-through run and is on their way.  Not you, LBBS’ers. You’re outside the box. And that’s what makes you a baby.

That is almond bread.

Your lunchbox filled with delicious food may make you like a baby, but it also makes you…AWESOME SAUCE. (Add that to your word bank, its my new favorite and just made its debut onto the WWW.) Yes, you may carry around smoked salmon, diced chicken breast, hard boiled eggs, cut up veggies, and fresh fruit surrounded by ice-packs…but its right next to your every-day-firmer derriere, a fine pair of delts, one more pushup than yesterday, and your excellent blood lipid panel. You cruise right by the table filled with bagels and muffins large enough to destroy a small third world country’s digestive tract. You have delicious delights to offer the cute kid at the allergy table when you’re volunteering at the elementary school. Your boss is worried about a harassment complaint because she blurted out how great your steak salad looked in the break room. I’d say that makes being a baby pretty damn cool. So…don’t hush, little baby. Let us in on the secrets of feeding yourself on the go, whether it involves airport security, or a Sunday out shopping for a size smaller pants.  You only have a week to go. And I bet quite a few of you have stopped counting. You.are.awesome.sauce.

Until next time…

Awesome Sauce. I mean…Mallory.

Supine Ring Rows 3 x failure (athletes that have unassisted dead hang chin-ups/pull-ups can work kipping pull-up form/learn to kip if they need it instead of ring rows)

Then

“Fran”

21-15-9 reps of:

95/65 pound thrusters

Pull-ups

Bench press 3 x 5

then

3 rounds for time of:

10 broad jumps (for maximum distance for each jump)

15 toes to bar (scale to knees to chest, knees to 0 degrees or sit-ups)

20 push-ups

Pull-ups 3 x failure

then

5 rounds for time of:

5 deadlifts (65% of last 5rm)

10 burpees over the bar

Push Press 3RM

Then

With a partner each will complete  8 rounds of:

100m sprint/row

8 Plyo Push-ups

8 Box Jumps

One person will complete a round while the partner rests.  Continue until each person has completed 8 rounds.  Plyo push-ups will start with hands on ground between 2 45 pound bumpers and end with hands on bumpers.

Denial:

“There is SUGAR in lunch meat?  But I thought just had all-natural, picked-right-from-a-chicken lunch meat in my lettuce wrap. I call BS. I read it wrong. It’s probably talking about free-range sugar that the chicken found…in, um, worms. This can’t be happening.”

Anger:

“Who talked me into this junk. I have never cooked so much in my life. This is total bologna. OHHH, wait! I am probably not even supposed to say that because I can’t eat it. Well take this, paleo challenge: BALOGNA BALOGNA BALOGNA! Hah!”

Bargaining:

“If I do 15 burpees, then I can have hazelnut creamer in my coffee. I won’t have to subtract points, because I have actually done EXTRA work today. They should give me bonus points for being so awesome. I’m gonna talk to Beau about that.”

Depression:

“I’ll never be able to eat out of the house again. My friends think I’m a freak. Even the dog is looking at me with the hairy eyeball.  I’m just going to lay down, close my eyes, and hope to sleep until March 2.”

Acceptance:

“Wait a minute, aren’t these my skinny jeans? They are falling off. I haven’t had a headache in 3 weeks. I woke up before my alarm. Is that an AB?!? Oh hellz to the yeah, who needs that grain, legume, dairy crap anyway. I knew it was bad for me all along. I was totally going to do this on my own if CFR hadn’t done a challenge…”

Just about two weeks to go! I have both seen and heard about awesome changes in attitude, strength, and body shape in the past few weeks. Some of us had larger changes to make than others.  Some of us are changing more on the inside than out. (Oy vey that sounds downright cheesy. But it’s true from cholesterol levels to how we may be feeling about ourselves.) I hope you are beginning to feel like this has been a worthwhile experience, regardless of how many points you have accumulated. CFR’s challenge is a kick-in-the-pants opportunity to challenge what you thought you knew about nutrition, and an opportunity to experience the thrill and frustration of working toward a goal. It is even an awesome chance for those who chose not to participate to witness the effects it has had on others.

Which stage are you on, paleo person? Are you feeling blue, or has it been no big deal? Planning any post-challenge binges? Never touching _____again?  What is your favorite experience so far? Any major mishaps where we can laugh at you (I mean with you)? Pipe in and let us know how you are feeling!

Until Next Time…

Mallory

Front Squat 5×3

Then

4 rounds for time of:

20 walking lunges

200m sprint

1x bear crawl down and back keeping hands and feet on a line.

Bench Press 3×5

Then

Tabata cycle of:

Ring Rows

Push-ups

Sit-ups

Ball Slams

8 Cycles completing each exercise before moving on to the next.

Press 3×5

Then

AMRAP in 5 minutes of:

15 KB Swings 70/53

20 double unders

rest 1 minute

AMRAP in 5 minutes of:

10 Box jumps

10 sit-ups

Score total reps

I want you to list the important things you have to do today. Go ahead. Here’s mine:

-Eat an obscene amount of food-avoid the craptastic variety.

-Pick up heavy shit.

-Condition (so as to avoid looking like the above)

-Work @ work

-Get my emissions tested (because evidently you can’t just keep moving that date back forever, which is a stupid rule.)

-Work @ home: food prep, pay bills, cleaning, laundry, pay more bills, finish hanging my picture-project, CFR posts…etc.

-Buy toothpaste and shampoo. And don’t forget the TP this time! (Getting down to the cardboard in this joint)

This is the abbreviated version, I could add about 12million things, and I know most of your lists are at 4x mine.  Did any of you think to include things such as:

-Lower risk of cancer

-Avoid Diabetes

-Try not to have a stroke or heart attack

-Lengthen quality years of life so I can annoy my kids longer by siding with my grandkids

-Be smarter at work and/or school

-Fit into my skinny jeans

-Sprint faster and lift heavier tomorrow

-Yell at _____ less and be happier in general. (Insert: spouse, kids, bad drivers, moron behind that counter, etc, into blank)

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” –Ernest Hemingway

Seriously people. If you have been doing every.single.thing that we have talked about in this nutrition post (fish oil, vitamin d, paleo lifestyle, etc), have MADE A GOAL to work toward, and you are listening to Beau (or Sean, or Joby) at the box…I would imagine you have seen some results by now. Not so much? Or: perhaps you noticed initial changes, but now feel like you have somewhere else to go and have stalled. Well…Here is where I let you in on the biggest secret OF ALL TIME. Now all you need to is…sleep. For 8 to 9 hours. Please don’t spit out your drink or punch your computers in surprise/anger- CFR will not be reimbursing anyone.

“The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more” –Wilson Mizener

That’s right, folks. Tell the peanut gallery (word list, people!) about this one-it may be the one piece of paleo information you offer and don’t have them look at you like you have 57 heads. Sleep is key to all things. Check out list two: I wasn’t just trying to one-up your daily to-do list- this is literally what I am talking about! Sleep is essential to all of those things and more. If you are not currently getting at least 7 hours of sleep (that’s as low as you’ll get me to go, sans waterboarding) and it is not due to something unavoidable such as tiny humans or the swing shift, then quit excusing yourself and shut your damn eyes. Naps can be a lifesaver during times when 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep is impossible. (“People who say they sleep like a baby generally don’t have one” –Leo J Burke.) It’s time to brush up on your sleep hygiene- turn off your computers, ipads and pods, nooks, and TVs. Close the curtains and outen-the-lightens. (Look for more on sleep hygiene from Angie to be posted in the comments!) Go to bed and reap the benefits.

“See you when you’re less insulin resistant and more smarter.” –Me

I mean, Until Next Time…

Mallory